Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Phyllis Diller Quotes
- Name:
- Phyllis Diller
- Type:
- Comedian
- Nationality:
- American
- Birth day:
- July 17
- Birth year:
- 1917
- 1
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller
- 2
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller
- 3
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller
- 4
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller
- 5
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. Phyllis Diller
- 6
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
- 7
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
- 8
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller
- 9
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Phyllis Diller
- 10
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' Phyllis Diller
- 11
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. Phyllis Diller
- 12
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller
- 13
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. Phyllis Diller
- 14
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? Phyllis Diller
- 15
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. Phyllis Diller
- 16
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller
- 17
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller
- 18
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. Phyllis Diller
- 19
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller
- 20
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller
- 21
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
- 22
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller
- 23
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. Phyllis Diller
- 24
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. Phyllis Diller
- 25
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? Phyllis Diller
- 26
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller
- 27
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller
- 28
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller
- 29
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
- 30
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller