Watch this
stand by when you hear the five most dangerous things in the marine corps: 1.a private saying, “i learned this in basic training…” 2.a sergeant saying, “trust me, sir…” 3.a second lieutenant saying, “based on my experience…” 4.a captain saying, “i was just thinking…” 5.a sergeant major chuckling, “watch this s***…”
Light bulb
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. That is what their students are for. (from Philip Clarke in New Scientist)
Light bulb
Q: How many laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.) does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five; one to change the lightbulb, the other four to stand around arguing whether he/she is taking the right approach.
Light bulb
Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but it’ll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.
Light bulb
Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but it’ll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.
Light bulb
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done. A: It all depends on the size of the grant. A: Two and a professor to take credit. A: 1/100. A graduate student needs to change 100 lightbulbs a day. A: I don’t know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a 0,000 grant of the taxpayer’s money, and I’m sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.
Girls are evil
First we state that girls require time and money :-
Girls = Time x Money
And we know that time is money :-
Time = Money
Therefore :-
Girls = Money x Money
Girls = (Money)^2
And because ‘money is the root of all evil’
Girls = (Evil)^1/2 x (Evil)^1/2 Girls = Evil
Proof: Girls are the root of all evil.
if girls require time _and_ money, should that be stated
Girls = Time + Money
instead? This leaves us with, using the well-known fact that time is money which you mentioned,
Girls = 2*Money
Under the assumption that money is the root of all evil, it can now be found that
Girls = 2*sqrt(evil)
In words, girls are _twice_ the root of all evil, instead of just evil,as you proved.
The less you know the more money you make
Proof: We know that a) Time is Money b) Knowledge is Power and from Physics c) Power = Work / Time
By simple substitution: Knowledge = Work / Money Knowledge * Money = Work Money = Work / Knowledge
It follows that as knowledge goes to 0, money goes to infinity.
Ask yourself
While taking a psych. course in college, the teacher had a habit of putting the following questions on an exam:
“Ask yourself a question and answer it”
Being a math major, I asked myself “Solve the following differential equation [* equation deleted *] under the following conditions [* conditions deleted *]” and proceeded to solve it.
The next day I stopped by the math office to see one of the profs. Hetold me “Go away, I’m stuck grading your stupid psych. exam”. I got full credit, and the psych prof. never put that question on an exam again.